Fordaux's Indulgence

Post-sickness Joy 9/30/2026

Weirdest thing. I got sick over the weekend, fully bedridden with chills and exhaustion. I did everything possible to help me feel better, chugging warm lemon tea, taking vitamins, mucinex, the whole nine yards. Though I was too sick on Monday, I was actually fine yesterday. I had some symptoms, sure, but I was able to work on my various projects.

But that isn't the weirdest thing. I came out of the sickness with like a full blown epiphany. I suddenly felt light again, like... why was I so depressed over having basically an incredible life? I am currently going to a pretty awesome art college, I have a wonderful girlfriend, a supportive group of friends, and loving parents. Most of all, I'm getting to learn exactly what I want to learn. I'm learning painting, life drawing, and renaissance art! Though I never asked for it, I'm learning how to build things and work through problems. I'm really gonna be able to come into my own as an artist.

Even if this doesn't lead to a prestigious art career, it is leading me to a place where I can create more freely. This is so important and awesome. I can't help but be excited for my future as an artist. I'm finally going in the better feeling direction and it's all due to my more intentional thought making.

Holy Depression, Batman! 9/22/2026

I'm sure no one has been reading these, but eh. I realized it has been almost a month since I last posted here on my little carved out corner of the internet. I started the new semester, dead grandma, pushed to my limit multiple times a week, and all-in-all, learning a lot. I wish learning was a much kinder and fun process like when I was a kid... or maybe it never was easy for me to learn things? I don't know. I just know that I really like to see progress and when my progress doesn't do so well, I don't do so well.

I am not my thoughts, nor is my value related to my end-products. It sucks sometimes though when I feel so behind or like I'm missing an important set of skills. I'm not used to having to study and practice this much. Even though I have much more time on my hands, it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

So here I am, exercising my free will by writing out all my feels on my website in a little hole-in-the-wall Gyro resturaunt. If that's isn't a funny summarization of my mental state, I wouldn't know what was. I'm gonna try to knock out the easier sections and then see what I can do about the more intense stuff. Like... that mysterious button with the Skull on it! OoOoOoOoh!

Happy Birthday to me, I guess! 8/25/2026

My birthday, while wasn't the most glamorous, was enjoyable. I've had such a rough year, with really high highs and low lows, with a lot of lows barreling down on me like drone missiles. I knew I wasn't going to have much to celebrate with and my general depression kinda took its toll on me, leading to more generalized ideas of what to do for my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun watching one of my new favorite movies, Stardust, with my whole Cafe community. Then I had a whole host of my friends last night come in just to spend time with me, which was so comforting. There's just a part of me that wished I did something way cooler.

Despite that little nagging feeling, I really appreciate my friends for coming in to spend time with me. The little gifts from some of them also made me start crying due to just... how little I've been able to do/receive lately. I know it's my job to take care of myself, but feeling all that love really did reorient me. I think I understand some of the Starlight Glimmer episodes of My Little Pony even more now.

In more concrete news, I just started school, of course on my birthday. I spent most of it in class, doing little art class syllabi, and getting to laugh with my college buddies. Just like my friends online, it felt like a part of me healed getting to talk to everyone again. All of us apparently had some pretty crazy Summers and were happy to be back in classes again. I'm just happy to be creating, feeling more free to do what I wish.

Lost job but Healthy Outlook 8/9/2026

Recently, my father came to visit due to worsening health of my grandmother. She hasn't been doing well for awhile. I won't get into specifics but allowed me to spend time with my Dad. I often forget how good our talks are and I genuinely think we both needed them. My outlook lately has been far less depressing, angry, and resistant. It's been nice, not gonna lie. It's like the equivalent of clearing a cache on a machine. All that junk I was holding on to is just gone now.

But in the middle of his visit, I got an email that within 48 hours, my coffee shop that I worked at was gonna close. It was confusing, frustrating, and overall upsetting. This was my favorite job. I love coffee. The transition has not been easy. I thought my family and I would be in a hopeless situation until I got my refund announcement from my college. Then I remembered how my teacher wanted me for two different positions at the college. So now, I'm just taking this as yet another journey. I'll miss my job, but I made awesome friends along the way.

In short, this week has been wild. A lot of mental and physical cleanup took place. My next set of goals for this site are to actually focus on making sure this place acts as a creative center for me. All my works here on display witha pretty little femboy avatar pointing the way.

Tired Femboy Learns Tech 7/31/2026

So I don't know why, but I've had this huge kick lately to learn about computers more in-depth than ever before. I think it has something to do with making this page. I mean, I learned how to code from reverse engineering and this is starting to look incredible. At least... for my skill level. I'm happy with it though, I got my own little corner of the internet to post my thoughts and build shrines for my favorite things.

Tomorrow I'm planning to break into an old gaming laptop I had back in 2020 that started getting REALLY slow due to a broken fan. It was an ROG ASUS laptop so the fan can only be bought used and it was $90 when we checked... 5 years ago. Now I can't even find the model number on ASUS' website for this thing. But all the parts are still good, it has a DISK DRIVE (which is crazy for laptops nowadays), and it fits inside of a suitcase that I was given for my cyberdeck project. In short, ya girl is about to learn how to diassemble and reassemble a computer! With supervision from a knowledgable friend, of course.

Lastly, I'm really pushing my gaming habits to be part of this blog. I treat gaming as a series of immersive projects and I feel as if writing down my adventures would just be so much fun. I plan on having a whole section related to said projects, my OCs from games, a blog, and gaming socials just in-case people find this website. For now, if you've read this far, please check out Arvhen's OC page by clicking the button on the left nav bar!

Identity and Expression 6/17/26

I've been having these weird thoughts lately

Jokes aside, I've been relaxing ever since my trip. A lot went on during my last semester and I'm kind of returning back to reality a little bit. Or... whatever little corner of reality I have been able to scratch out. Some days I've felt like all I do is game and chat with folks online. But that's not inherently bad, it's the easiest place for me to express myself, I've spent a good portion of my life using the internet as a medium for community building and self expression. I'm only just learning how to really apply that to my life outside of the internet. As a genderfluid twink, as someone who loves armor and fantasy ideas, someone who is really starting to get obsessed with Italian culture, and someone who is a hopeless romantic.

Alright, now for the website update. As I said, I have a lot of ideas and I'm not sure which ones will get implemented. Part of me is a little frustrated with the state of the website and the upkeep involved in many of the pages. So instead, I may opt for a more janky set of layouts so I can achieve more. For instance, I'm thinking of doing a little landing page involving like... code text or something with some little references thrown in. Maybe I really hammer home the digital identity of this website? I know I want to push my website building ability. I may even make a separate website just for intense practice. Who knows? I really want this to be a silly and fun thing.

Also, I'm coming up with my next gaming project. Part of me has ideas based on nostalgia but another part wants to move forward, find new interests as well as engage with new things. For instance, I may do something where I log my journey to get all my character's raid sets in the Midnight expansion. But another part of me wants to work on that large Naxxramas grind on a Argent Dawn-esque character. It's all kind of up in the air.

Feels like I have a few parts of me fighting for whatever interests are in front of me. We'll see who wins, I guess!

Back from Firenze, possible Mabinogi project 6/6/26

Firenze was incredible!

I spent nearly 3-weeks in Florence, Italy for a study abroad program and it was honestly one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Being there, walking the streets, buildings towering over me... UGH! I miss it already. During our stay, we made, from scratch, art journals that detailed our thoughts and feelings of various things we did there. I was one of the few who nearly filled theirs up! I'll be posting pictures of said book on the website soon. On top of staying in Firenze proper, I learned some italian, went to Fiesole and Carrara, as well as got to learn how to ink properly! It was a wonderful journey that boosted my confidence and hope for the future.

As far as updates to the website, I have backed up the file in case Neocities gets flagged again. But I'm kind of playing some of this by ear. I may be writing a "Purist" ruleset for Mabinogi characters as an additional way to play the game. Part of me wants to actually build my own theme from scratch but I'm a little shy on doing that as I'm very much a budding coder.

Finals and Florence 5/9/26

FINALS ARE OVER!!!

So now I have a short reprieve before I go to Florence and now I'm deciding how to approach gaming. Gaming itself is strange for me right now because I feel as if I've been hiding from my own desires and focusing on my responsibilities. Exploration has been put on hold or just straight up relegated to goals that aren't exactly... fun. Now the focus is on trying to explore, add some other gaming genres to spice it up and make art along the way. Jak and Daxter was my answer to the genre problem by adding a platformer with action but I'm focusing on my relationship with WoW to really try to find what I love about it. I may write more blog posts about my findings.

As far as Florence goes... I'm spooked but also greatly excited. I've been wanting to visit Florence since I was a kid, especially with it being the birth place of the Renaissance. I hope it'll be everything I'm hoping for. Moreso, I'm gonna miss my friends, my community, and the love of my life. Not talking to everyone nearly as much for a month is... saddening to me and even a little scary. I know I'll be fine as a whole, but I also know I get homesick within the first few days. I'll have fun, regardless. This website might not get any updates for awhile so I wish anyone who reads this a warm welcome to the skeleton of my website.

Finals, Rough Updates, and CHAT!!! 4/30/26

Oh my GOSH. I'm barely surviving finals. But I'll be able to go to Florence so... I just need to tough it out. This most recent update to the website has been long in the making and I'm happy that I finally knocked it out.

As far as gaming goes, I've been feeling a little... tired of it. Not that I'm going to give up or that it's bad, I'm just not feeling as great about gaming. Which is okay! It happens! It's just not the escape or distraction or straight up fun experience it usually is. I'm much more interested in the stories. Maybe I'll start reading more! I've been thinking about Eragon lately.

I will continue to update the website regularly, I was just dreading that update. But now there's a chat! Come say hi to me!

First Post! 4/13/26

I'm finally setting up a blog section, this will be used to post my more raw thoughts on things while I'm engaging with them. I have a plan to write up archived sections on projects and event critiquing in games. I'll talk more on the concept of critique and how I will be approaching it, but it will be a way for me to shine a light on certain experiences in a more intellectual way. I won't write about anything I didn't enjoy, unless I have something to share.

Honestly, I'm having a tricky time coming up with ideas for the site as far as color palettes but I'm excited to see how this goes or how this'll act as my personal space on the internet.